


Infinite Debauchery in Infinite Combinations

by Satchelfoot



Category: Redshirts - John Scalzi
Genre: International Fanworks Day 2020, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:20:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22628482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satchelfoot/pseuds/Satchelfoot
Summary: Dahl doesn't want to hear it, but there aresomany fanworks about him and his friends.
Relationships: Andrew Dahl/Jimmy Hanson
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	Infinite Debauchery in Infinite Combinations

“I still don’t believe you,” Dahl muttered down at his chicken sandwich.

“I’m afraid belief has nothing to do with it, my friend.” Jenkins speared another Saldavian prawn off his plate. “Loyal fans of _Chronicles of the Intrepid_ are absolutely writing their own stories about us. Some pretty salacious ones, too.”

“But why? Why us?”

“Because we got more interesting,” Jenkins mumbled around his mouthful. “For a long time, the stories, or ‘fics’ as they often call them, were centered mainly on various combinations of Captain Abernathy, Doctor Hartnell, and Q’eeng, though there’s always been a smaller but equally passionate contingent of writers pairing up Kerensky here with Chief Engineer West—Westensky, they’re often called.”

Kerensky made a face. “Not with West’s scraggly beard, I wouldn’t.” Then his face softened and he gazed vaguely into the middle distance of the officers’ mess. “Maybe if he shaved…”

Duvall smirked next to him. “I would absolutely film that. Maybe even participate a little.”

“The point is, Dahl,” said Jenkins, “you and I and everyone we know are _much_ more interesting to the audience now that we’re getting better scripts—you know, actual character development. So they’re going to fantasize about us just as much as they do about the major characters. Sometimes the showrunners even read the fics and fan theories and feed their ideas into the Narrative. It can’t be stopped.”

“I get it,” Hester said, from Jenkins’s other side. “They’ll just keep writing stories and scripts until we figure out how to make the ship fly itself so we can go have sex all the time. One big monumentally recursive fuckloop.”

“Whatever.” Dahl stood up. “I just pulled a double shift in the biology lab and I do not _remotely_ have the attention span for this nonsense. I’m going to bed.”

Duvall winked and mock-saluted as Dahl passed by her. “Give Lieutenant Hanson my regards.”

When Dahl walked in the door of his and Jimmy’s quarters, he found a very beautiful and infuriatingly well-rested lieutenant reading a book while _Charlie Parker With Strings_ played softly in the background. “Well, don’t you just look so fucking comfy,” he couldn’t resist saying.

Hanson raised his eyebrows. “Whoa. What exotic alien matter crawled up your ass today?”

“Sorry.” Dahl flopped onto the bed. “Jenkins was telling me about _Intrepid_ fans writing us all into smutty situations.” 

“Oh, right! He actually got me reading some stories about you and me.”

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah, man.” Hanson put the book down and slid onto the bed right next to Dahl, running a finger along the other man’s chest. “It’s been giving me some ideas, actually. Would you like to give our adoring fans something worth swooning over?”

Dahl rolled his eyes but then wrapped his arms around his friend and kissed him deeply. “Yes, _sir_.”


End file.
